At the end of the day, people have choices, and their choices define who they are, especially when the choices aren't palatable to them. Sometimes people aren't intelligent enough to see the choices ahead of them and therefore think they have no choice or that if the alternate choice involves discomfort to themselves, for them there is no choice, because they've made decisions about what is acceptable to them and if their own well being is paramount over all other considerations, it doesn't obviate them from personal responsibility.
Your 8 guidelines also work in choosing a boss or any relationship, much as you've said that these guidelines have come out of marriage counseling. Good stuff!